Men's Bowery Sneaker

Yup, fair trade shoes completely suck at helping you fly. But rather than just make such a huge unfounded claim about fair trade shoes, I thought I would present to you 4 big reasons why fair trade shoes won’t help you fly.

4 reasons why Fair Trade shoes won’t help you fly

The first reason fair trade shoes wont help you fly is because they are usually made by low skilled workers, who just simply haven’t had the required training and education required to make fair trade shoes a viable flying apparatus. Obviously there are countless charities, not for profit organizations and NGO’s really helping to fight this educational injustice, however till this problem is rectified you can count this as the first big reason why they are terrible for flying.

The Second Big Reason fair trade shoes will never be any good for flying is because they are usually made from the wrong materials for flying. I mean, lets look at it this way, what stuff do we know that flies well? Umm, how about feathers? How many fair trade shoes do you see have feathers on them? Yup, not many. Helium balloons fly well, or at least float well. Lets face it there hasn’t been the right engineering breakthroughs to allow fair trade shoes to be made with helium. Otherwise I thought maybe attaching jet engine. But jets are kinda “war-like” and nobody likes a war, not even fair trade wars for shoes.

The Third Reason Fair Trade shoes don’t do well for flying is because normal everyday (even ethical) rubber soles are no good for take offs and landing.

 Volley Canvas Sneakers

The last reason of course that fair trade shoes suck at helping you fly is because if you could fly just by wearing a pair of shoes they wouldn’t be fair, because it wouldn’t be fair on the airlines that would lose your business, and also if you were flying, then all of your friends would go and buy fair trade shoes as well. Christmas time and birthdays would become boring because every single gift would no longer be an iPad, they would be fair trade shoes because they would become the new coolest thing in the world to own.

So if its flying you’re after, make sure you don’t buy fair trade shoes or any other shoes for that matter, because shoes alone will not help you fly.